DATED 2002, but it came back to me when I started getting philosophical about the layoffs my current company is going through.
Memo To: 5kRobustScalableInternetOnlineEcommerceFurnishingsOutlet Staff
Subject: Management Changes
As many of you know several of our top executives have stepped down from the company this past week. Chet Binkman, Wallace Groves, Eugene Tonneau, and Winter Groves (no relation) have left, or will shortly be asked to leave the company. Terry Harquist will be stepping out as CFO but has agreed to remain with us through an undefined “transition period”. We thank them for their contributions and wish them well. Chet, Wallace and Eugene have said they wish to follow their dreams. Winter and Terry recently decided they want to spend more time with their families. Terry is moving back in with her parents.
5kRobustScalableInternetOnlineEcommerceFurnishingsOutlet will now operate with a leaner, smaller management team, more in line with the size of its Web site.
From this point on, I will serve as Acting CEO, and continue as President and COO. I will work closely with and as the Board as we decide how to find someone who will pay to take the CEO position on a permanent basis.
We are proud to announce that Charity Shirtpath will serve as Acting CFO for no pay, and work as if she were Bill Tenorschmidt and Dan Porkman and the rest of the finance team that was transferred to New York from Irvine, TX. Some returned to Texas when those respective companies then folded.
Jillian Watley will continue as Chief Strategic Officer and Director, but for a different company.
Fred Amorando will continue as CTO and Director of Systems Development, again for another company entirely.
Joseph Pfitz will continue as Chief Creative Officer. As you are reading this, you may know a place where Joseph can fit in. Please contact him on his cell phone 310.348.2121 until he has turned in this corporate asset.
I said it was okay for Henry Lu, Toni Spater, and Trey Shoball (unfortunate, but real name!) to continue as Managing Directors for no pay, until they can find positions elsewhere. They will be telecommuting.
Sperri Kragar has changed her role from Key Lead Sales Associate to Liason/Group Account Director in New York for a real Amish-style furniture outlet, so I will be stepping in as Managing Director of our office. James Fentner will continue to operate an office in Los Angeles and Julie Shamen (NOTE: long “A”), a Waterloo office.
This entire group, I’m sure, will continue to work closely with their respective and new directors of engineering, creative, and production, their subject matter experts, VPs and other staff as they all move forward in their own careers and no longer hose off of yours truly.
Clearly the environment we’ve been operating in is a tough one. I am working very, very closely with our Board and Investor to develop strategies and tactics to ensure 5kRobustScalableInternetOnlineEcommerceFurnishingsOutlet comes through intact, and continues to produce the great work it’s known for which is indubitable.
As the whole of the restructured management team I am committed to dramatically and respectfully improve our communications to you all. I know there are lots of questions left unanswered here. We will be addressing them in the days and weeks ahead and share everything we can with you.
Thanks for your support. Good luck in your new positions.